I Am

The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself. This is my crux and cornerstone. I am a life lived with profundity and passion, a myriad of personas expanding free into this beautiful world. I am many things to many people, a shard of glass reflecting the color and complexity of the outside within the in. I am a lover and a poet—someone who enjoys the taste of creativity, and the muse that wakes it from its slumber. I am a warrior and a fighter, strength unwavered, a rock born solid in the torrent of the sea. I believe in the search for truth, and the humility to recognize that my path is not the only way. I believe in embracing my masculinity, without apology, and living up to the King that I am. I live what I love, seek that which I will, and expand to what is and what will be.

Stream of Thought

I am sprawled out on my bed in the basement of the Yale house. Winter is upon the Boulder community, and a hoodie, socks, and my thick roupas da cama are necessary to keep warm. I woke late into the morning today. There is something about a cold bedroom that keeps one huddled under the blankets, unwilling to face the present and ever so blistery looming day.

I am a tight little maelstrom of emotion. It feels odd to approach my departure date, to say goodbye to this little mountain town. In the year and a half that I have been here, I have met, cuddled, and produced a number of satisfying relationships. I have run the path of wild abandon – both animal and human – through mountain streams, flowered pastures, savoring little scenic delights of the Colorado countryside. I have discovered chai tea, Nepalese cuisine, Capoeira Angola. I have enjoyed a diverse form and function of living.

I am, albeit slight, a delicate vibration, a person conflicted. I am struck with two wayward directions—the desire to remain, to stay, to build; and the desire to go—to throw off my shackles of routine and stability, to see and taste and feel all of the world.
I know that my time looms to settle down, invest myself in one job, one profession, and one place. I know that for financial success, this is necessary.

But the time is not now. Not quite now. Half of me resides in another world. A world of palm trees and chaos, acarajé and vitality. The world is full of abundance, of culture and thought, and I am swept up in it. The walls are just too big to build my house.

On work….wow, how crazy it has been. I got a call yesterday morning that Aspen Grove – the online grocery business I have been employed for – is finally going under. I knew this was coming. The place is a quagmire of dysfunction. I have watched, grinning in puzzlement, the big cheese owner make one silly decision after another. I have watched a man, with years of higher business education, fail at the most basic business principle--connect with people. The guy is a social moron at best, with little personal or marketing skills. Not only was he incapable of properly connecting to our customer base, but he had an uncanny ability to drive away his employees as well. Really drives the point home that learning how to deal with people is the most valuable skill I can learn.

One benefit to the shutdown, free food, in abundance, on a level never heard of before. About a week ago our work freezer lost power and got up to 40 degrees. The food was not spoiled, but due to liability issues we were unable to sell. That means free food for me! In the last week, I have brought home over $5000 in gourmet steaks, Alaskan cod, salmon, fruit pies, organic frozen dinners, over 50 pizzas, etc. My brothers and I made an emergency hardware run, buying and filling two massive storage freezers in the garage. Friends, roommates, everyone stands to benefit. And the funny thing is, I get hardly ounce of it! I’m leaving in two weeks and will never even get a chance to sample all the food! Haha, oh well. At least its good to feel patrimonial.

So leaving. Yeah, I am excited. I dream of Brazil every night. I will be staying with a surfer, and look forward to a little romance with my favorite goddess of the sea when I arrive. I have been buying a number of educational materials on business, hoping to increase my vocabulary on the craft of making money. Brazil will indeed test these skills. I hope to get work in a language school or as a private English teacher. God knows that I am a verbal kind of guy. And wouldn’t it be nice to actually use a bit of my brain on a professional level again (menial labor bahhhhh. No more!).

And tattoos….oh the tattoos. Yes, I am in love with ink. Good ink. People that are smart, whose intelligence and creativity in this world are reflected in their tattoos. I believe that the more time you put into a project, the better it will come out. Quite a natural thing really. Most people put little time in their tattoos, and the quality reflects that. Each of my projects I have spent months on design, redesign, body placement and style planning. Like a good piece of writing (this one notwithstanding), it takes draft after draft to produce anything of value. Witness my next project, Borneo Tribal Dragons on my arms and upper pecks. Borneo Tribal Polynesian is my favored style. It is bold, simple, easy to maintain, and a testament to a remarkable indigenous craft. My next ink session starts in January, at Bingha tattoo in Brazil. God I can’t wait.

So enough of random thoughts.

Work in Oklahoma coming soon. Then Brazil. Then more life in all of its glorious splendor. Until then.

Ah minha cidade, here I come!

Pic This! -- Halloween and Michigan Treats

So I discovered something this year. Halloween--amazing! Somehow running around as an adult with eye makeup and red britches proved more fun than the childhood pursuit of candy. Witness a couple of pics of me as Papa Satan and my gang of little red devils.

Yale House, Party in Hell. We are getting big.

And limos. Mix with caffeine, olives, and vodka, and you've got a sure fire mix for a rockstar.

After Halloween, I finally took the much anticipated trip
back to Michigan--to see old friends and jump around the well
aged haunts yet again. The trip, on the whole, felt
rather surreal. Running around Plainwell, Kzoo, and
our favorite back country portals, I admit
to a strong and palpable stirring of remembrance,
fond or otherwise. It was an amazing venture,
to stare into the eyes of old ghosts and strengthen memories
before I leave for Brazil.

Bests friends since middle school, Eric and Jonathon, my forever companions.

And who could forget the woods, fertile playground for my youngest memories.

How nice to run around and remember. J-Dog and Me in the Daniels Woods.

The Gravel Pit. Nuf' Said.

Eric and I finished off the trip with our Green Top, Ol' Style, Drunk by noon day.

And so many lovely visitors. Liza and the rest.

Truly good show. And great way to say goodbye for a time. I remain
on the path of a unpredictable and unknown future. I continue to wander,
unbound and unbidden, a ghost explorer in this world.