I’d like to think that all of this cultural pedaling, this dance through foreign puddles has been for, dare I say, a higher purpose. When I was in the midst of my divorce to my Brazilian wife back in the States, I felt like I was amputating a piece of my future. I felt a strong pull towards Brazil, an almost unexplainable feeling that it would play some larger role in my life. At the time, I thought that it was over—that whatever loose connection I had with the country would surely get flushed out with my failed relationship.
But for some reason, I kept reading, believing, dreaming that someday I would make this place my reality. I needed a fresh start, a new title, and a way to challenge my budding individualism and personality. Above all, I wanted to prove to myself that I could survive on my own, that I could walk the path of the cultural warrior, disciplining my mind to inherit this new and exciting world.
I suppose that this path, this longing, this expression of my life is the closest thing to spirituality that I have known. Somehow I feel fated to be here. To run my hand through my girlfriends hair, to taste the sea and feel the sand slip gently through my toes. I feel blessed for this opportunity to breath in a new life and become somebody that I wasn’t before.
Now, after a long month in the States, after a taste of the bitter cold, I am back in Bahia. The weather is warm (beyond warm, more like scorching hot!), and I feel content that my two years are up—that I am moving beyond the initiate phase in my tango with Brazil.
Low tide on the shores of Itaparica.
Hark hark the great future awaits. (p.s. I'm white again)
Awesome trees around town.
Windswept V on a summer shore.
1 comment:
I know what you mean Leo... it's now 3 years and 14 days since I stepped off the plane at Salvador Airport WITHOUT a return ticket in my hand.
As you know, my life has been an emotional rollercoaster since my arrival... a marriage breakdown, followed by meeting a woman who elicits feelings of love that are more powerful than I ever thought possible.
People expected me to move back to the UK when my ex and I split up - that would have been the (perhaps sensible) easy way out. Even after a year I was bewitched by Brazil, by Bahia in particular.
Two years after the split, I cannot imagine leaving Brazil. It may happen one day, but the UK isn't a force that is calling me home. I'm often asked by Brazilians when I plan to go "home", but I tell them all the same thing "I have no plans to leave Brazil yet and, if I did, it will be with Alice". My princesa baiana has captured my heart even more strongly than her country has.
It was a risk, a leap of faith, upping sticks and moving to Brazil. It still is at times. Do I regret it? No. Does it frighten me? Sometimes. Has it changed my life dramatically? COM CERTEZA!!!
But my motto is "life is for living, not for watching". At least when I breathe my last breath, it'll be in the knowledge that I didn't just sit on my arse and dream about exploring the world - I went out there and did it. And on the way, I've made some great friends (pat yourself on the back Leo), and met a woman who - on paper - should be totally wrong for me (every aspect of our respective backgrounds is different), but a woman who completes me.
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