Homeward Bound

Considering that a plan has been simmering on the stove for a few months now, I suppose that the time is nigh to make it official. Ladies and gentlemen, I am on my way home. The Brazilian adventure, which began in early 2008, is slowly drawing to a close. In the words of Julius Caesar rephrased by our Brooklyn bad boy Jay-Z, “I came, I saw, I conquered” and it’s time to head home.

My purpose in coming here, from the beginning, was to get lost in order to get found. Life was comfortable in the U.S. I had the car, the house, the friends and family, but I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing, like that “little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it”. At night, as I lay staring up at the fake wood paneling lining the ceiling of my apartment, I would dream of building something I could call my own. I couldn’t wholly define what it was, what I needed; a ceremony, an experience, a rite of passage perhaps—some sort of transition that would test me, that would earn me the right to call myself a man.

From my experience, rite of passage ceremonies are essential to self and communal development, are necessary freeze frame moments that celebrate our great milestones, and that mold and motivate us into people we’d like to become. Margaret Mead's Coming of Age in Samoa pointed out that all children, regardless of ethnic milieu, come to a watershed moment, during the teenage years, when they begin looking beyond themselves. In a very real sense, they awaken to the rest of society. While generally I would agree, I think that the official transition from child to adult is something wholly lacking in many post-modern societies, much to the detriment of our youth. How does one step outside of the ego, take on the responsibilities of an adult, when neither the concept of adulthood nor the transition to it is clearly defined.

On the verge of my trip to Brazil I felt these things. I felt that I hadn’t been tested, that I hadn’t battled enough to know who I was. This feeling, while not clearly defined at the time, resided uncomfortably like a knot in my stomach, urging me to do something radical and make a change. I probably could have ignored it any number of ways, by seeing a therapist, landing a difficult job, finding a new girlfriend – but instead I did what scared me the most, I left that all behind and fought my way here.

And a fight it has been. So many things have strained and tested me here, the fight for work, the heat, the roach filled apartments, the battle for Vila Brandão, the language barrier, near-death motorcycle experiences, the robberies, assaults, misery. I am coming out Brazil looking a lot older than when I came in. In just two years, I have begun to show tell-tale signs of stress and aging, namely hair loss, white hair where I still have it, bags under my eyes, and the like. But all told, I feel stronger than ever, and ready to take on the next chapter of my life.

Did I know how long I would stay when I first came down here, not really. I suppose part of me wants to get lost forever. But the other part of me, the adult that looks at things practically, realizes that my chances of a moderately satisfying material life are far from attainable here in Brazil. Well, that’s partly true. I could make do and build a comfortable life, it would just require a lot more time, luck, and effort. The smarter thing is to go back home, find a job that gives me money and time to travel, take advantage of my passport into the “first world”, and visit Brazil when I have developed myself and my finances.

And that is exactly what I plan to do. More accurately, that is exactly what we plan to do (an unexpected change of pronouns I can assure you). As life would have it, I somehow met an extremely selfless, intelligent, and wholesome individual, who has been my companion through some very rough times in the past two years. Our plan (ooh there it is again), is to attain the appropriate visas (lord willing), and to find a niche somewhere back home. We both will be graduating (I with a Masters, she with her bachelors.) in December, and are currently considering a move to D.C. We have some great contacts out there, and are hoping to stumble on some new opportunities. Nothing is yet set in stone, naturally, much could change in the coming year but we are planning on an exit in June of 2011. That will give us time to square away school, work, and hope for the best with our visa.

As for the rest, well, we shall see. I’d like to develop a biographical novel/history/anthropological commentary on my time in Brazil. Something smart but readable, that inspires other people to find their own rite of passage. Aside from making me look a little bit older, Brazil has been good, and I look forward to developing more stories in the year to come.

Random life moments:

Chilling at the Elevador Lacerda

Vivi trying her best to be cute. haha

Look friends, it's the 80's!

On my roof with the fam.

Out to dinner. We are hip. Indeed.

Mr. Leo and his rug rats.

Morena linda.

What!? Mr. Leo!

Wedding party fun.